Becoming a Mother Was Costly!

I don't even know where to begin today...I have been reading Facebook posts from mothers who are sharing their joys of parenting, as well as posts from others who find Mothers Day particularly painful, as they desperately long to be mothers and can't understand why not?? 

I am following a couple blogs of women who have recently lost children, and I can't get through a single post without the tears flowing freely.  Today is no different.  There is so much pain in this world!!

Both being a mother and not being a mother can be filled with such loss!

I am feeling the mixed emotions of my journey into motherhood today.  What should have been the most wonderful experience of our lives...the birth of our first child...was filled with so much pain!  Our precious Brianne was born by emergency C-section at just 26 weeks gestation.  She weighed 14 ounces and measured 10 inches long.  When I awoke from anesthesia, I was shown this Polaroid picture of my precious baby girl.

 

A couple hours later, they wheeled my entire bed into the NICU to meet Brianne in person.  I could not imagine how a baby so tiny could possibly survive...our baby!  My first question to the nurse assigned to her care was "Has a baby this small ever survived here?"  She said, "Yes!"  She lied!  (To my knowledge, Bri continues to be the smallest baby ever born at Methodist Medical Center in Dallas to survive).

 

We spent 9 1/2 agonizing months with her in the NICU experiencing several life and death emergencies and many highs and lows.  I truly wondered back then if I would ever laugh again??  I know what it feels like to have a broken heart...I  literally felt physical pain in my heart! 

 

I know that many of you have been there, and some of you might be there today.  Your heart is breaking over something.

 

I wish that I could wrap my arms around each one of you reading this, and tell you that God knows and He cares!  He is truly able to bring beauty from the ashes!

 

 

Isaiah 61 was a prophetic "job description" of Jesus and his mission here on earth.  In John 4:18, Jesus stood up in the synagogue and began to read it,  "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed..."

 

Isaiah 61 goes on to say..."He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair."

 

I can say with all of my heart that God has brought beauty out of my ashes!  And I know that if he did it for me, He will do it for you!!  Sometimes the answer can look differently than we expect, but we can trust that HE knows best!